Dear Journal…(4)

Dear journal,

I saw him him today. Adeyemi. The man who destroyed me.

He was at the supermarket with someone else, holding her hand, suggesting my favorite snacks to her. My heart broke all over again as I watched him kiss her hand. He used to do that with me. I watched as he leaned down, and kissed her cheek. He used to love doing that to me.

I wondered if he told her he loved her. I wondered if he told her he wanted her to be the mother of his children.

“I want a whole army, and I want you to be their mother.”

That’s what he had said to me, and now I’m wondering if he’s saying the same thing to her. I thought finding out he was cheating was the worse pain I could feel. No. Finding out that he was now together with the woman he had cheated on me with was more pain than I could bear.

That’s what he had said to me, and now I’m wondering if he’s saying the same thing to her. I thought finding out he was cheating was the worse pain I could feel. No. Finding out that he was now together with the woman he had cheated on me with was more pain than I could bear.

And it was the same woman he had said I didn’t need to worry about. The same one who would demand his attention whenever we were together. The same one who would find excuses to “accidentally” kiss him. The same one who would fabricate lies and tell to him.

I guess she won.

I felt the tears roll down my cheeks, and I immediately lowered my head and wiped them off with the sleeve of my sweater. God forbid he saw my tears. I raised my head and our eyes met.

Ade seemed to freeze when he saw me, and I wondered why that was. Did he feel the slightest remorse for what he did to me? Could he see the pain and sadness in my eyes? After all, he had always told me how I had lovely, expressive, brown eyes. I wonder if he could see how bad I was hurting. I just stared down the aisle at him. His girlfriend blabbing on, oblivious of the emotional tension just a few steps away.

I cleared my throat and threw three packs of Adeyemi’s favorite biscuit into my basket. I looked up to see that both of them were looking at me. The little bitch had a little smirk on her face.

I scoffed, rolled up the sleeves of my sweater and walked past them, making sure to brush Adeyemi as I walked past.

Why?

I don’t know. Maybe to just feel him one more time, to remember what it felt like to hold him.

I sighed as I felt his hairy skin brush last mine. I always used to tease him about how much hair grew on him. Now, I wanted to run back and kiss him. Tell him that I love him. Apologize for whatever I did that made him leave me.

It took strength of will I didn’t even know I possessed to keep on walking…

It’s really funny how a few weeks ago, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We couldn’t stop kissing each other. We couldn’t sleep apart. No day could go by without us talking to each other. It’s funny how one moment you’re joined at the hip -both literally and figuratively- and the next minute, you’re walking past each other like strangers…