Dear Journal...(2)

Dear Journal...

I held the hand of my aunt and pulled her into my arms, cringing inside as my dress soaked up her tears and the salty liquid touched my skin. I smiled a fake smile, and hugged her, rubbing her back slowly and gently.

"I'm sorry for your loss..."

I had whispered in her ear, making sure she heard the sympathy in my voice. Like I wasn't the one responsible for her pain. Like I wasn't the one who killed her daughter. Like I wasn't the reason why her son was a vegetable. Like I wasn't fucking my father's brother; her husband.

I returned to my seat, and smiled as the memories of her screams resonated in my mind. I closed my eyes, and relived the amazing feeling of power and control I had felt as I stabbed Ada over and over with her kitchen knife. Watching as her eyes begged me for mercy. I relished the feeling of cutting her tongue out, and laughed at her pathetic, writhing self in the mud. I remember throwing up at the gory sight. And even sitting here, I could feel bile rise in my throat.

Why did I do it?

I don't know. Maybe because this family is always parading themselves to be perfect. The perfect house, the perfect jobs, the perfect marriage, the perfect children that were always used as examples for us miscreants. My father had left us to get milk, and my mother? Let's not even go there. It felt good to see them like this. Humbled, broken. Not so mighty anymore. Not so regal. I always felt I was born to the wrong brother, this was my revenge on the universe. Or whatever higher power was responsible for my misfortune.

It was relatively easy to lure her to a hidden location in the woods. I had made it a duty over the last few months to get as close to her as possible. Poor Ada had just broken up with her CEO boyfriend, and needed a shoulder to cry on. Convincing her to take a road trip with me to the middle of nowhere wasn't difficult. I had had so much fun cutting her up, and burnng her body inside her car. Am I a bad person?

It only seemed fair to me that I took for myself everything that life had failed to give me. And so what if a few people got hurt for me to achieve my end game? It wasn't my fault that my father had hated me right from birth, and bailed the first chance he got. It wasn't my fault that I had had to live life with pity, and shame. It was God's fault. Or my ancestors, or the universe. Whoever it was, it was only fitting that I sent their favorite people to them. It seemed revenge enough for me.

I felt electricity zap right to my core as I recalled how I had scissored my cousin when she was bleeding out from the slit on her throat. The high from the forbidden sex, and the sight of her blood flowing like a river took me to new heights of pleasure I didn't know I could reach. I caught the eye of my uncle Emeka from across his living room. He adjusted his collar, and nodded towards the stairs, leaving the room via that route. I smiled, and waited a few minutes before following suit.

I walked up the stairs, and down the hallway and saw him waiting for me in front of an open door. He pulled me into the room, and I recognised it immediately as their master bedrooom. This was the first time we would be doing this in his house. He was big on 'respecting his wife'. Without much ado, he bent me over his matrimonial bed, and railed me in long, hard strokes. Sending shockwaves of pleasure throigh my body. I was amazed at the stamina he had at his age. I wasn't complaining.

What had started off as a simple incest relationship might have turned into something complicated. I realized that I am in love with this man, and I couldn't wait to kill off his family so we could be together. We belong together.

He finished inside me with one mighty thrust, and my eyes rolled back in my head as I felt his seed spill inside me. I couldn't wait to have this man's children. We would make the perfect family. I couldn't wait until all obstacles were removed and I can finally start living the life of peace I want. The life I deserve.